Just a Thought

I realized today that while I enjoy blogging, I don't exactly feel as though my blog is special or has anything about it that would make a stranger want to come back and check up on it the way I do with certain blogs (like Unlocking Kiki, Slightly Astray, Vanilla & Lace, and Love Taza to name a few). Maybe it's because I feel like my everyday life isn't as exciting as I wish it could be, or maybe it's because I'm lazy and wait forever to sort through photos, or maybe I fear I'll come off lame and write about things I'll want to delete the next morning. I'm not sure.

I used to have a LiveJournal that kept my brain active and writing all the time. I didn't really care who read it, I was always open, always honest, and sometimes too crass for my own good. But I enjoyed it. When I went to college and had to turn in some of my work for a creative writing class, those journal entries are what I handed in to my professor. I was proud of my twisted, late-night ramblings and often thought how true the quote "Write drunk, edit sober," really was (even though I've never been much of a drinker at any point in my life). But I understood that feeling. There's just something so incredible that happens when you write exactly what you're feeling in that moment, without worrying about grammatical errors, using the same word too many times, or dreading what others will think of it after you've published it for "the world" to see. When you take other people out of your head while you're writing, amazing things happen.

So maybe that's my problem. I write here with the intentions of sharing my life in a sense, but in reality, I'm not sharing my life at all. I enjoy sharing my photos, but when it comes to the words in my posts, they feel lost and disconnected and so stripped of the emotions I was actually feeling when those photos were being taken. I have to change that.

Sometimes when I post here, I wonder who's going to read it, but I know that by putting myself out there, that's just something I have to deal with. I'm going to have people reading my blog who I really wish wouldn't read it at all. (*cough* Like those people who have no idea I have a stat tracker installed that knows exactly who they are. *cough*) And I'm not going to have as many of the people I wish were reading it (like other interesting bloggers/potential Seattle friends/Jenny Lewis/Mindy Kaling/whoever) read it because that's just how it goes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to get back to writing what enters my brain instead of kicking around a sentence or two in each post, hoping I don't sound like a total moron. What's the sense in blogging if I'm not even blogging? And at the end of the day, am I blogging for me or am I blogging for other people? I have to blog for me first if I want to care about this thing at all.

But let's be real. If you know me well, you probably know how accurate that photo above really is. I'm not a very serious person most of the time, so this blog won't be turning into some sort of Lifetime movie-esque sap-session (okay maybe sometimes it will), but I want it to be a place where I actually come to write and share instead of dump photos I took over a year ago. I don't know what that will look like, but it'll be an experiment. So if you care at all, thanks. And if you don't, that's fine, too. I hope you find what you're looking for. xo